INTP with an ISFJ?

Originally Posted by WNelson

You wont see them, a nurturing caring male is as likely to find as an INTP female. It can be done but it is very hard because those qualities arent wanted in the mainstream for each gender

haha, okay, i just thought this was funny, because 1) it's true, and yet... 2) i am an INTP female dating an ISFJ male

I know I'm sort of digging up an old thread, but I think (I guessed at her answers, total ISFJ thing to do, eh?) my girlfriend (ex?) is an INTP. We were together about 3 years, though the last year was filled with poor (and what I interpreted as stale) communication. I believe I'm an ISFJ, though I'm very, very close to the line on E/I.

Given, I do feel like I got a lot of positive feedback over the years (emails I'm now re-reading, obsessively), but I'm starting to see that it was probably never enough, or what I thought was enough.

Over the last two or three weeks, I've been vigorously beating myself over the head with the failure of the relationship. My over-compensation and neediness. How I let my ambivalence detach me from her and I went in search of attention elsewhere. I didn't cheat, mind you, but I was dishonest about some attention getting activities (and I feel I was channeling ESFJ at the time). It culminated, this last December, with us breaking up and her going on an adventure in Central America a couple of weeks ago. The lack of communication, obviously, kills me. I find myself waiting for that tiny little email from her and wonder why I don't get it, when we exchanged a kiss, a hug, and a kiss at the airport.

We partially reconciled, though we're not back together. I explained that I want to break my routine, my plan, and truly push myself, and us to make things work. She needs the trip, this solo adventure (which I was originally invited to, a long time ago, before I screwed things up) and I understand that. She'll be gone from 3 to 6 months.

I was always so scared to travel and push myself, but in seeing that I love her, truly, more than anything else I've experienced (I'm 35), I feel like my eyes have been opened. This thread is freakin' amazing. So many of these stories both give me hope and perspective. While I might not always be able to hide my need for attention and acceptance, I feel like I might be able to logically understand it now. And possibly prevent my own internalized madness. I only hope I'm not too late to work at this. To break my habits and my predictability and really push myself to understand her, and me, better.

I really cannot say what an eye opener this is for me. Thank you everyone.

Originally Posted by WNelson

You wont see them, a nurturing caring male is as likely to find as an INTP female. It can be done but it is very hard because those qualities arent wanted in the mainstream for each gender

Funny that you write that :) I am a female INTP and my husband is a male ISFJ. We may be the white elephants of the personality world, but somehow we managed to find each other!